Your partner is having an affair with someone they meet on work trips; you have been together for years and they have sex with the person they meet on foreign work trips. You confronted your partner and they admitted it, infact from your observation, you gather your partner would in no time soon move in with the person. You are heartbroken and feel betrayed now, things have been so good between you, though you have both experienced several losses and big life events.
You have applied for counselling, but although he shows remorse, the affair goes on remotely and you don’t hear him say he wants to fight for your relationship. You had wanted your partner to preserve what you have together, but now, now that the worst thing you fear is about happening to you. What will you do, or better put, what can you do?
1. Avoid REVENGE
It is not uncommon for people to consider some form of revenge when they feel they have been betrayed by their partner. Some people might think it is a good idea to have an affair themselves for example, to damage the person’s property, or to name and shame the guilty party. While this may make them feel better at the time, in the long term they end up having to deal with the consequences of revenge.
If you find yourself wanting to seek revenge, take a step back to recognise this is not what you actually want to do, it is only because of the level of hurt you are feeling at the time.
2. Be Optimistic
People tend to be pessimistic about whether their relationship can recover, don’t give up yet- try to fight for your marriage, do this for yourself (and children, if the union is already blessed with kids) at least. You still have to believe that a relationship can survive and potentially thrive after a partner has cheated. Many relationships recover from confirmation of an affair.
Despite the hurt and anxiety, some couples would say that an affair has given them the opportunity to examine all sorts of relationship issues and they feel stronger as a partnership afterwards. Soul searching session from both parties (where you will come out straight and naked to one another as you talk exclusively) will be needed here, better still, a counselling session by a marriage expert can fix the crack in the wall.
3. Let GO If You Have To
Know when to stop fighting, you cannot keep fighting for the rest of your life, after all is said and done- (undergone the two processes above), and yet your partner maintains his extramarital ground. Let go of the relationship if you don’t want to be constantly hurt, unless you can cope with it. Not everyone can cope with emotional distress for a long time, after all. Maybe divorce will be a better and safer option for you here to save yourself from some hellish experiences.