Every relationship no matter how strong or beautiful, always have their fair share of arguments and fights. It is these fights and arguments that make the partners stronger when they come out of it. In this article we will be discussing Why Men Pull Away During Fights And How To Make It Stop. The interesting thing, however, is the fact that about 90 percent of the arguments in a relationship take the pursuer-withdrawer pattern. This pattern is a situation whereby the pursuer brings up an issue that seems to be the problem, and the withdrawer pulls away emotionally or does not contribute much to bring up a solution.
While women are most often the pursuer and men, the withdrawer, the genders can also be reversed. With special emphasis and attention paid to the men being the withdrawer and women being the pursuer, the question is,
Why do men pull away during fights?
Women are naturally emotional beings, and it’s not a wonder why they feel things on a much deeper level than men. They process issues differently and when it involves their partner, different questions and answers run through their minds at the same time. A woman might feel threatened by a situation with her partner, and she feels that the only way to resolve it would be a direct confrontation or even an accusation. This is the pursuer technique.
The man on the other hand, may not be emotionally on the same level with the woman and thus would not know the right way to react. The first thing they try to do would be to calm down and evaluate the situation. The woman on the other hand, may misinterpret this reaction as disinterest and would lash out the more.
Once this happens, the man becomes more confused on what to do or say, and would completely turn off or walk away, thus completing the withdrawal technique. The major point here is that men do not withdraw or pull away during fights because they want to, they are just at loss on how to react to the initial confrontation they have received.
How to make it stop
First of all, arguments have no reason to escalate unless they are really serious. Even if they are, a calm and well planned approach can prevent a pursuer – withdrawer technique, which will leave you both miserable and the issue unresolved.
If you notice that your man has developed the habit of pulling away emotionally during a fight or an argument, then you probably need to change your method of approach. Try not to go into attack mode next time, besides, he is not your rival. You are both partners in this relationship and you should accord him the same respect you expect from him.
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You both can sort issues out without one person withdrawing emotionally everytime. Sit down like adults and discuss things together. This will make him realize that you value the relationship to want to avoid a war.